Julie Martinez

Before falling in love with me, you must know about the constant meltdowns, and the nights of endless tears.
You must know about my damanged heart, and my broken soul.
Be aware that I never sleep at night, and sometimes I talk in my sleep.
You must know about my need for your love, as well as my distant personality and constant fear of losing you.
And know about my terrible fear of spiders, and the way I eat too much for my own good.

But once you fall in love with that part of me, you can fall in love with my tender smile and warm embrace.
You can fall in love with the way I'll warm your hands in mine, and tickle your feet with my toes.
You can fall in love with the way I'll make you soup when you're sick, and how I'll kiss you when you get hurt.
Fall in love with the way I laugh, and the soft spoken words of encouragement I'll give to you.
You can either fall in love with me as a whole, or not love me at all.

Mixed of Chinese and English

You didn't love her.
You just didn't want to be alone.
Or maybe, she was just good for your ego.
Or maybe, she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her.
Because you don't destroy people you love.

很多時候你覺得跟一個人很熟了,可以不經大腦的想說什麼就說什麼
卻忘了言語也可以傷害一個人.
你覺得沒什麼大不了的,只是開玩笑
卻忘了玩笑也是有分寸的.

You think it's not a big deal and I'm making a big fuss over it.
Have you ever actually think that because those joking comments you made used to hurt me so much in the past?

我跟你提過那時候的痛,但你卻又硬生生把快結好的結痂扒開.
我一直避免自己去比較,但是這樣的你跟那時候的他有什麼差別?
都一樣無視我的努力,只看到我的不完美.
那請問你們就沒有不好的地方?
為什麼我拼命專注於你的好,你卻一直放大我的缺點?
是試著告訴我為什麼我會落到這種地步,都是我自己活該?

I don't think I did anything wrong to deserve this.

You know why I don't make too much jokes about you?
Because I know how much you want to be affirmative by people around you.
I try not to make comments that hurt your feelings, it's always fine for you to make some remarks about me, because I put your feelings infront of mine.
But have you ever spare a thought for me on why I behave so nasty after you "joke"?

What am I suppose to do after you've hurt my feelings?
Smile and say thank you? I bet even you can't do that.
If you can't do something, you can't expect someone else to do it then.
The more you hurt me, the more spiky I gets.
And that explains why am I always a bitch after we had a fight.

It may seems to be a small matter to you.
But it definitely is a big deal to me.
Because I care for your feelings more than I care for mine, but you're crossing the line.
You're stepping over my limit.

I'm not saying I should get something back in return after all I've done.
Nobody force me to do so, but I did so it's not necessary.
But I'm just asking you to think more for me, is it even that hard?



我知道你很喜歡跟你的姊妹們在一起.
也知道你跟她們想處很自在.
其實我也知道如果你更自私的話,你會毫不猶豫地選擇跟她們黏在一起.
所以謝謝你這段日子強迫自己,但是以後不用那麼委屈了 :)

沒必要讓自己那麼痛苦,逼自己改變.
因為她們比我更了解你,更會逗你笑,更能讓你開心.
她們不會像我這樣孩子氣,為難著你.

而我也更寧願你過得很開心.
雖然我會忌妒,我會生氣,我會難過,但那都是我自己要學會去克服的.
反正一開始我們就知道最後還是會各自過各自的生活.
那何必再勉強自己繼續留在不開心的地方?

Don't worry.
You're gonna be alright :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's a song for you to end:

原諒的代價 - 徐佳瑩
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXbdyy8Lgio
我知道向前 必須要付出代價
曾經也認真的以為我們的愛是無價
愛好像很堅強 卻又不得不掙扎

我明白 我們之間都太過虛假
想離開卻表現的好勉強 總是在裝傻
還以為結局都一直會是原諒
以為能原諒

A new life, Sep & Oct

Hi my lovelys!
Omg omg I know! I finally freaking updated my blog!
Pls tell me you guys miss me ):
*I do see page views so I assumed there's still some stalking if I've updated hehe ok la sounds bhb but, I love you!!!*

So it has been... 2 months? Oh yes exactly 2 months since I've enter my college and live in dorm.
I wouldn't say it's a really wonderful new life, sometimes I even miss the old days in High school wtf.
Why human so not contented one?
But... I guess you just have to live the fullest out of it lo.

Actually I did have a lot of fun la in this 2 months, it's just some personal stuff that chock me up almost every night...
Well, it's quite a mess up stuff. I've fucked some things up :/
BUT don't worry, things will eventually end and better things are coming right? ;)
In chinese saying, "會過去的"

Okay some photo time before I say anything more!

Here are some of my classmates. We didn't return home that week and I was like walao so lonely ok I shall ask who wanna have dinner tgt and yep.

 

And here are the classmates that I normally hang out with in class. They are really nice.
But not the usual type that I hang along with if I must admit...

So in a way, I still hang out with my clique more.

 

Ok then this is my group for the orientation camp with another class.

Have I mentioned there's only 3 boys in my class?

And one of them is 41 years old, so cool right haha

Ok that's not the point of this pic.

So like I said, this is my group. We normally use Line and talk rubbish at times, it was pretty fun being in this group and we are gonna meet up soon! (spot me! no prize tho even if you're correct)

 

And then some guys from the same orientation camp. We only got closer cus we help out at this event, uh very lazy to talk about the event la, it's not even important wasted my Saturday morning beauty sleep for this and I'm so glad it's all over now.

The girl is the one I hang out most in class. And the guys are actually both very nice and funny people :D

Finally, my new clique in my college. We are actually from different class, the 3 of them are in the same class and I forever alone lo.

Get to know them because we are all Oversea students. The girl is my my new bff-Apple and she's from Hong Kong.  Both guys are from Malaysia, (woo my neighbor!) and the guy beside me is Ding Ding, who currently is my best-guy-friend.  And the guy beside Apple is Calvin, he's a really nice guy who takes in all Apple and my nonsense but still being very gentelman to us.

But hor, now he has his own clique in class uh, so he don't hang out with us as often alr ):

I LOVE HANGING OUT WITH THEM EVERYDAY!!!

 

Then on 3rd of Oct, my clique celebrated my birthday for me~

I also went back home that weekend, to meet up with Sabrina cus we promised tp help each other celebrate each other's birthday no matter where we are.

Here are just 2 photo to sum up.

Clique + my roommate + another friend from Hong Kong too.

A super big big thanks to them! They are my angels <3

 

 

Then I say I met up with Sab right? We decided to have our Shisha virgin to celebrate my birthday x)
Too lazy to upload pic of both of us so yep here's a cool pic of me.
What a extraordinary way to celebrate birthday ikr! I can finally say "YOLO" xD

Since I'm talking about Shisha, I went drinking with Ding Ding one midnight cus my high school mates are always hanging out at clubs which Sabrina & I never get to go because of over-protective mums zzz.

I do love my mum okay and I appreciate the effort she made to protect me, it's just that I feel very sian to miss out so much fun as a teenager lo.

And I'm like since college is where you can have complete freedom and it's something I really try so why not right?

Calvin doesn't go places like this, he's always "homework comes first" whereas me, Ding & Apple are always playing around lol wtf. (That's probably the reason why Calvin hang out more with his own clique lol)

And Apple is only 17! Underage! Wtf which underage come to college one!

So I forced Ding Ding to accompany me hehe.

 I didn't drink the Heineken! I'm not a good drinker actually, my face turns red drinking 3% alcoholic drinks so loser I know. I was just drinking some cocktail but still got drunk HAHA

And I would say it's still a fun experience but now we super broke up uh, cannot afford go anymore lol so pathetic.

It's fun because there's no taxi here (it's counted countryside but hey things are cheap!) so we had to walk and we didn't know how so we just rely on my Google Map and I kept bring Ding Ding to the wrong place so he kept giving me the diao-face, like this =.=

I would say I've try most things I wanna do in my teenage life and I completed quite alot here yay!

 

I'm gonna list some loser things I've always wanted to try for the past 20 years of my life but didn't get to. (or maybe I did but I forgot I actually did it before)

1. Hanging out with friends after 12am and only return home around 1 or 2 or 3am
2. Stay outside overnight and not returning home until the next day
3. Go drinking with friends
4. Travel to further place with friends not minding what time I need to be home
5. Going to mountain for beautiful night view in midnight

There are still things I yet to do but I think I accomplish quite alot already uh haha!

 

 

Okay la I'm just gonna talk until here cus I haven't bath xDD

And I'm having my mid-term exam next week actually, supposed to be studying but here I am blogging. I'm actually abandon by Apple cus she went night market with her friend and abandon by Ding and Calvin cus they have lots of homework to do and I'm still doing nothing about revising my exam wtf okay I really got to go. BYEBYE! It's nice talking to you guys again!

 

And I made some effort into my personal space in my dorm room, you guys interested to see?

Ask.fm me to tell me! And suggestion/comment for blog post? http://ask.fm/heatherlin/

Oh and I uploaded a new (not so new anymore...) on my Youtube Channel, go check up if you haven't! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUtg9NUzo58

Till the next time! ❤

 

 

 

 

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"