No one sees you like I do.

I want to kiss you.
I want to hold your hand.
I want to cuddle late at night.
I want to watch stupid movies with you.
I want to have a pillow fight.
I want to send you random and stupid texts.
I want to play with you.
I want to laugh with you until I can no longer breathe.
I want to drive anywhere and just have discussions about nothing.
I want to dance with you.
I want to make you smile at random times during the day because I'm on your mind.

I want you.

I don't want to share you.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.
She loved before she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?
She's not perfect. You aren't either.
And the two of you may never be perfect together.
But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart.
So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give.
Smile when she makes you happy.
Let her know when she makes you mad.
And miss her when she's not there.
(:

I wanna hold you.

Hi all, have been reading my old blogs recently.
Had like 4 or 5 blogs in the past 3 years and they're full of memories.
Started reading because I was way too bored at home.
But realised it's a good way to remember what happened in the past (:
Still reading my second blog, have been blogging too much last time. Haha.
And I seems to be very childish and stuff like that.
Even I'm the one reading what I wrote last time, I can't help but to give diao face to my posts.

All the short forms, nonesense and even making it so obvious who did I liked last time.
I kinda think I was a bimbo last time :/
Totally fainted off when I called myself a man last time -.-

I'm happy that I've changed.
And only by reading those posts then I realised I've changed so much.
It's a good thing though.

Have been reading those moments where I didn't get to know Keith and was having a huge crush on someone.
Wow, I was cute. Lmao.
Everyday I would post about that person and pray hard that I would be accepted.

Had gone through so much and waited for quite awhile too.
And I just read finish the part where I got accepted by that person.
Even things have change, I still can't help but to feel happy for myself again when I was accepted!

The most recent status I posted on facebook is very true isn't it?
"Once you have feelings for someone, those feelings will always be there. You may not like them anymore, but you'll still care."
Just want to let you know, I still cares alot for you.

Though we may have not been chatting with each other online, definitely not messaging anymore and in a way we seems to have stop contacting each other, but I still care for you alot.

You're the one who have been listening to my problems and giving me advices in 2008.
You're the motivation for me in 2008.
You're the one accepted me in 2008 too.

And even til 2010, a few days before I was coming back to Taiwan, you still shown the care for me by meeting me for the last time.
Didn't get the chance to tell you, but I was really touched by what you have done for me!

Don't know if you know I'm keeping a blog or are you still reading my blog now, but I just wanna say thank you.
Sometimes I get confused too, when I think of you.
I still wish we're that close, I still wish things can go exactly the way it was in 2008, I still wish you think of me too and I still wish, I still wish......
But I wanna say, I miss you alot and I hope you're doing fine. (:
Contact me when you want to??

P.s/ Referring to you, NMHY.

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.

Feeling fucking fuck-up recently.
Not I want to be emo or what, just that sometimes life gets too fuck up like seriously.
And I really wanna go back Sg as soon as I can.
Stay there forever, not just for holiday.

I don't feel needed in this family.
Not a day that I won't get scolding from mum.
And sometimes this house has become a fear.

It was all good at the start, felt welcome.
Felt great cause I can gossip with mum.
She accepted my piercings, give me freedom.
But slowly, all of them no longer make me feel safe anymore.





Hi,
You've been scolding me everyday ever since grandparents went back Sg.
You won't know how much I hope I can find a job that needs me to work 14hours/day.
(I need 10 hours to sleep)
Or even, school can reopen tomorrow.

Used to hate night classes cause it fucking end so late.
Now, I hope night classes can extend so I won't be seeing you so often.
I even thought of running out of this house.
But no money, no work where can I go yeah?

It may seems wrong to others.
Living with you less than a year and I feel like renting house outside or even stay in school.
I just want to get away from you as much as I can.

With no money, no work, still studying, where can I go?
It took daddy alot of effort to make me stay, I don't wanna destroy his effort by insisting I wanna go back Sg for living.
But can you please be fucking appreciating towards me?

Why are you treating me & Chris so differently from how you're treating the two sisters?
Just because they're so much younger? I don't believe this crap.
Yes, we might be in the stage of growing to adult but who ever give you the idea that we as adults don't need anyone to tell us we're doing good?
Who tell you we as adults don't need parents' to show their love?

And seriously, I think you're fucking biased.
Maybe you didn't realised, but I do notice and feel that.

The same thing happen on both me and sis, you'll only scold me until damn jialat.
She? Nothing much huh.

She sat infront of the computer since the afternoon, me? Only late afternoon.
Then you only scolded me for sitting infront of the comp the 'whole day'?
Who started playing first? She.
Who started playing straight after dinner? She.
Who use the comp longest these two days? She.
And what, come to scolding for using comp too much, you only scold me.

Yes, I might be wasting my holiday by using comp only and did nothing else.
So didn't she? She should be learning at her age now.
She isn't, she's just plain spending her time playing. You don't even scold her for that?
What? Feel regretted because you destroy my childhood so you have to give her a better childhood by letting her do everything she wants?
What about mine? Where were you? And good job, you're destroying my teenage life again by scolding me until there's nothing left in me.

If you don't want me in your life, tell me!
Cause to be honest, I can still live without you in my life.
Anyway, you didn't even take part in half of my life?
So what's the need to pretend you need me?
Just be honest, we don't need each other okay.

Yea grandparents not working anymore, hard to support me.
Fine, send the money to them. That's what you can do as a mother.
Don't let their money spend on me, just let me live with them.

And if you've decided to play the role of my mum, please act properly.
By treating me like a maid, is not acting well yeah.
I'm your fucking daughter, not maid.
Don't talk to me like, " Sleep earlier, you need to clean the house tomorrow."
You want to be a clean freak, please do it yourself.
I don't wanna be like you, thank you very much.

And can you stop talking to me with such an impatient tone?
Everytime scold me for being impatient, ever thought of I'm learning from you?
Why should I even talk to you nicely when you always give me guailan attitude.
So what if you're my mum? I'm your daughter too what?
So what if you're elder? Don't even know how to show some respect to others, still call yourself elder?

This thing goes to daddy and two sisters too. Can you please fucking stop using such impatient tone on all of us? We fucking don't owe you anything.
You can use on us, we can't use on you. What the fuck is this?

And when you don't even speak politely, how the hell can you expect other people to do the same?
When things don't go your way, you get crazy and punch people.
Hello, you're a mum, not some ah lian outside.
You want be ah lian, go la. I don't care.
Just don't bring your ah lian attitude to family members.

If you don't even want to give a fuck about me, what the fuck you fuck at the first place then give birth?
Stop putting words like, "every child born to drive me crazy. all don't listen to me"
Did you even listen to your own mum? No.
If you did, you won't be going through so much in your life.
So when you can't do that yourself, don't fucking expect people to do the same.

Just like the job thingy.
I tried to explain to you why can't I find job during this holiday.
You fucking don't listen and don't even believe and even say stuff to hurt me.
Did you even know I was about to break down on the road because I got rejected too many times?
Did you even know how much stress I was going through?
Did you even know how badly I want to get a job so I can get away from you?
But nobody want to accept me for working such a short time, what can I do?
Can I fuck them upside down? No.
And most importantly, can you ownself even find a job?
I bet not.
You think it's easy? Show me.
You can't even find a job yourself, (though you don't need a job, but if you ever look for a job), how can you simply expect me to find??

You said people start finding jobs even before holiday starts, so what am I suppose to do?
Throw grandma they all at home just because I need to go work?
I fucking only get to spend 11 full days time with them only when they're back for a month because of exam, how can I possible leave them alone just to work?
You made it sound all easy because you got to spend the month with them what.

And whenever sis did something wrong, when I tried to correct her, I'll end up being scolded by you.
I can't even do my job as a sister? So what am I?
A maid that can't scold your daughter?
What the fuck.

And lastly, I want to be fat or what, my business.
Stop telling me I'm fat, I know that.
Stop trying to be a control freak who control what I want to eat.
You said it'll hurt more when outsiders start to tell me I'm fat.
Let me tell you this, I don't fucking care what outsiders say about me.
But it fucking hurt me when you say things like I'm fat or what so ever.
You're my mum, you're suppose to be telling me in a better way but you're not.

How would you feel if I go up to you and say, you're not pretty at all.
Do something to your face before outsiders comment on you, it'll hurt more.
Do it actually hurt when outsiders tell you this or your own family member to tell you this?
You know the answer yourself.
Yea, you might be speaking the truth, so? It still hurts, alot.
You don't look pretty at all is a fact too what? Can I tell you this?

Think how would it make you feel before you say, and do.
Sometimes saying sorry doesn't even help at all. The scars remain.
Yea, I admit I did hurt you alot of times too.
But compare them with the disappointments and pains you've given to me, they're just a piece of shit okay.

I don't hate you, cause I can't hate you.
Literally, you're my closest. Literally, only.
And because of that, I can't hate you or even leave you.
But I'm not sure if I love you not.
I'm really not sure...

I hope one day you'll realise all of these, and have a good thinking session with yourself.
What have you done to me and Chris.
Now I totally understand why my brother can't stay in this family.
Because even less than a year, I almost can't hang on in this family too.
You're gonna have a great time with just the both sisters and daddy.
And for me, I don't really need you. I just need the money.
Cause you've been missing half of my life, I don't understand why should I put you in for the rest of my life then.

For you, mum (:

No love, just xx.

If you don't care then I don't care.

Do I get jealous? Yes.
Do I cry randomly? Yes.
Do I get angry? Yes.
Do I cry myself to sleep? Yes.
Do I miss you every second you're gone? Yes.
Do I feel lonely at times? Yes.
Do I need you? Yes.
Do I need someone to talk to you? Yes.
Do I like to be left alone sometimes? Yes.
Do I need a daily hug? Yes.
Do I love someone? Yes.
Do I care about someone? Yes.
Do I get hungry and thirsty? Yes.
Do I have feelings? Yes.
Do I get hurt? Yes.
Do I fight? Yes.

I'm only human.

We would have been amazing together.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged.    You have to tag the person who tagged you. Tagged means "I'm interested in knowing what are your 100 truths". (To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people (in the right hand corner of the app then click publish.)
 TAGGED BY: Yanting (:
1. Real name: Heather Renee Webber.
2. Nickname: Chou.
3. Zodiac Sign: Erm.
4. Male or female: Female
5. Elementary School: NewTownPS
6. High School: HendersonSS
7. College: National Oversea ChineseHS.
8. Hair colour: Dark brown.
9. tall or short: Short -.-
11. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans
12. Phone or Camera: Phone
13. Health freak: Huh?
14. Orange or Apple: Apple
15. Do you have a crush on someone?: Umm yes.
16. Eat or Drink: Drink~
17. Piercings: 9 piercings.
18. Pepsi or Coke: Coke
HAVE YOU EVER?
20. Been in a relationship: Yea.
21. Been in a car accident: No.
22. Been in a fist fight: Erm yes.
23. First piercing: 3 or 4 years old, can't remember.
24. First best friend: I forgot her name :/
25. First award: Primary school time.
26. First crush: I forgot his name :/
27. First word: I don't know?
29. Last person you talked : My sis.
30. Last person you texted: Honeybee.
31. Last person you watched a movie with : Can't remember.
32. Last food you ate: Ice cream!
33. Last movie you watched: Can't remember too :/
34. Last song you listen to: Nothing's gonna change my love for you.
35. Last thing you bought: Food?
36. Last person hugged: My grandma ):
37. Food: Alot!
38. Drinks: Milk tea(s).
39. Bottom wear:  Short
40. Flowers: Heather!
41. Animal:  All of them, except birds.
42. Colors: Hot pink!
43. Movies: Funny/Scary.
44. Subjects: Don't know..

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [x] fallen in love with someone.
46. [ ] celebrated Halloween.
47. [x] had your heart broken.
48. [x] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
49. [x] had someone question my sexual orientation.
51. [  ] got pregnant
52. [  ] had an abortion.
53. [x] did something I regret.
54. [x] broke a promise.
55. [x] hid a secret.
56. [x] pretended to be happy.
57. [x] met someone who changed your life
58. [x] pretended to be sick
59. [x] left the country.
60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
61. [x] cried over the silliest thing
62. [ ] ran a mile
63. [x]  went to the beach with your best friend(s)
64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [x] hated someone
66. [x] stayed single for a whole year.

CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: Air.
68. Drinking: Saliva.
69. Listening: Wind.
70. Sitting/Laying: Sitting.
71. Plans for today: Clean the house.
72. Waiting: School reopen.

YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids?: Yes~
74. Want to get married?: Hmm..
75. Career: Housewife can?

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?:
76. Lips or eyes: Eyes
77. Shorter or taller:Taller!
78. Romantic or spontaneous?: Romantic.
79. Nice stomach or nice arms?: Stomach.
81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
82. Looks or personality?: Personality.

HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't think so?
84. Sneak out of a house: Yea :P
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No
86. Killed somebody: Nooo
87. Broken someone's heart: Yea.
88. Been in love: Yea.
89. Cried when someone died: Pet counted?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: Yes~
91. Miracles: Yea.
92. Love at first sight: No.
93. Heaven: Not sure.
94. Santa Claus: No.
96. Kiss on the first date: Nooo.
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: Yea~
98. Do you know who your real friends are? I guess so?
99. Do you believe in God?: Hard to say yeah.

Post as 100 truths?: Yeah!



100 truths tagged by Yanting on fb, done! (:
FORMSPING ME!

Even now, I'm thinking of you.

Gonna change my blog info and do the 100 Truth that Yanting has tag me on fb tomorrow!
I don't really like my current blog skin, what do you think? Formspring me!
Kay, see you guys tomorrow~ (:

Don't take any of it for granted.

From Facebook, but I'm lack of things to update.
So decided to do this for my blog update (:

1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?
- Yes!

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?
- The previous one? Yes.

3) Have you ever fainted before?
- No.

4) Who did you last say “I love you” to?
- Sabrina ♥

5) Do you regret it?
-  No!

6) Have you ever been depressed?
- Yes~

7) Are you a boy or girl?
- Girl!

8) Who do you love?
- Family, friends, honeybee (mybf) & MYSELF.

9 ) What is your relationship status?
- Taken.

10) How do you want to die?
- Sleep until die~

11) What did you last eat?
- Egg tart.

12) Played any sports?
- No, hate them. 

13) Do you bite your nails ?
- No, but the skin near my nails.

14) When was your last physical fight?
- Somewhere in June ._.

15) Do you have an attitude?
- Yes yes, if you love me then thankyou~ if you hate me then, go away.

16) Do you like someone?
- Yes! Until I wanna die, kidding.

17) What is your real name?
- Heather!

19) Are you gonna get high later?
- I'm high now~

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
- Yes ley, fml.

21) Do you miss someone?
- Everyone in Sg. (':

22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
- Twirl.

23) Do you tan a lot?
- Yes, love the Sun and hate sun-block.

24) Have any pets?
- No, buy me one!

25) How exactly are you feeling?
- Sian -.-

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
- Yea.

27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
- Heheheh, why?

28) Would you take any of your ex-es back?
- Yea, but not all uh!

29) Are you scared of spiders?
- No!

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
- Yes ):

31) Do you regret anything from your past?
- Yea, alot.

32) What are your plans for this weekend
- Stick with grandparents and aunt (L)

33) Do you want to have kids?
- Yea~

34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?
- Don't think so?

35) Do you type fast?
- Not really, I guess?

36) Do you have piercings? How many?
- Yea, 9 of them.

37) Want any more?
- Just one more!

38) Can you spell well?
- No? So not.

39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
- Umm yes, everyone in Sg.

40) What are you craving right now?
- Starbucks.

41) Ever been to a bonfire party?
- No, I want go party ley.

43) Have you ever been on a horse?
- Yes, zooo~

44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
- No no~

45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
- Oh fk, yes.

46) Have you ever been cheated on?
- Yes yes yes, lj ley.

47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
- Erm, you ask them instead yeah.

49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
- NO, against this.

50) What should you be doing?
- Sleeping!

51) What’s irritating you right now?
- Very hot, the weather!

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
- Eh yes ley, wtf.

53) Does somebody love you?
- Who love me? Formspring me~

54) What is your favorite colour ?
- PINK, hot and bright pink.

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
- No~

57) Do you have trust issues?
- Yes, most of the time.

60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
- Just, okay.

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
- I don't think so.

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
- Sab (':

64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
- I'm afraid.

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
- Both hard.

66) Is this year the best year of your life?
- NO?!

67) What was your child hood nickname?
- Smelly, in chinese.

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
- NOOOO.

70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
- No, bullshit.

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night
- Chat with aunt and cousin.

73) What is bothering you?
- Hmm someone la.

74) Have you ever been out of your province?
- Yes.

75) Do you play the Wii?
- No ):

76) Are you listening to music right now?
-  No.

77) Do you like Chinese food?
- Prefer USA food.

78) Do you know your fathers b- day?
- Yea, 25 May.

79) Are you afraid of the dark?
- Not really.

80) Is cheating ever okay?
- No...

81) Are you mean?
- Hahah, yes. To people that I don't like.

82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
- Never.

84) Do you believe in true love?
- Not anymore.

88) Do you like the outside?
- Yea, sun with wind.

89) Are you currently bored?
- Yea! That's why I'm doing this.

90) Do you wanna get married?
- Yea, not so sooon.

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
- Heheh, I like~

92) Are you hungry?
- No.

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
- Why?

94) What makes you happy?
- Alot, easily contented.

95) Would you change your name?
- No!

96) Ever been to Alaska?
- No.

98) Do you watch the news?
- Sometimes.

99) What’s your zodiac sign?
- Eh, what uh?

100) Do you like Subway?
- Yea!

101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
- No. Sister is nice to kiss!

102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
- I don't know, no experience.

103) Do you talk like your friends?
- No, they talk like me.

105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
- Yes!

106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
- Yea, Jeff (:

107) Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
- Dad? o.O

108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
- Yea.

109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
- Sab?

110) Favourite lyrics right now?
- "Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?"

111) Can you count to one million?
- No!


Done, formspring me eh! Xoxo

I wish you felt the same.

Hello all! So long since I last update.

Thinking of changing blogskin, hmm I don't know :/
What do you think?

Anyway, upload pic first.
Let the pics speak first (:

 With Sabrina :D

Outfit of the day~

Do I look very different when I'm at home?

Recently crazily in love with this toy from my friend.

 Nick Vujicic's concert!

 At Ikea, having lunch cum Dinner.

Bling2 handphone of mine~

So today went for Nick Vujicic's concert with Sabrina.
It was awesome ^^
He's really funny and strong.
But well, just didn't have that much of mood to go back Church.

Grandparents and aunt are going back to Sg on 12July.
The same day as I'm gonna retake my tests.
Oh well, I don't know what to say.

Ever since they're here for holiday, I'm more desperate to go back Sg and continue the life there.
Only until I left, then I realised I truely belong there.
I've changed too much to the extend that I don't feel I'm gonna make it here in Tw.

Friends from a clique of 6 become just one really close bestfriend.
Used to hang out as 6 but now, left with just one.
I don't feel secure, I feel like I'm gonna end up being alone all the time.
Hate that feeling.

Family become a fear, I don't even wanna speak much now.
Well, I really wanna be a girl who's more of quiet but really hard youknow!
Tsk...

And when you get a close guy friend, people give you those eyes.
Then started to say something in their language that you don't understand.
Obviously they're saying me, I'm not dumb.
It's becoming like an irritation.

Hello yo, you have boy-just-friends too right?
Just because I ain't from your country doesn't mean I can't have guy friend -.-x10000
(middlefinger pointed)

So how, should I change blogskin?
Don't even know how to update my life properly anymore.
It's a mess.

Wanting something so bad, to the extend that I hope I can bear the consiquenese.
And I'm completely losing it this summer, from Aug onwards.
Something that don't belong to me, is even further now.
I'm insecure of that :/

Why can't it just be mine?
Argggsh.
Can I end it here?
Wanna go play ItGirls on fb already.

You enjoy your life okay!
I wanna get a tattoo.
Wa family without sis and mum, is yay~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay formspring meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
TATA.